The best dating apps for lesbians and gay women

Who's it for:

Apps like Tinder and Bumble are technically for all orientations, but they'll be damned if they don't sneak some male profiles into your feed even if you've specified the opposite. Given the existence of Grindr the need for an online dating arena specifically for queer women was clear — thus, HER. Founders of the award-winning app are committed to cultivating a space that’s “so ragingly queer" that frustrated women can delete apps that don't feel like home.

Why we picked this:

As its user base of over 13 million grows, HER could widen your dating pool beyond the queer women you already know. The traditional text bio is where you can flex your sense of humor or describe what kind of relationship you're seeking. Joining niche groups like "newly out" or "travelers" can also connect you with people using the app for similar reasons.

Aside from coupling up, a lot of HER regulars are looking to make friends or scope out the queer community in a new town. Switching over to the community feed opens the door to virtual hangouts with self-curated groups for queer women of color or interests like the new lesbian films that mainstream Twitter will probably ignore. You might even get a heads up about a local LGBTQ event, or gauge interest in an event you're planning yourself.

Read our full review of AdultFriendFinder.

Read our full review of OkCupid.

Who's it for:

OkCupid's slogan is "Dating deserves better," and they're damn right — especially for queer and non-binary people. The nearly 20-year-old dating site has shed the heteronormative skin that still somewhat plagues eharmony and Match. It's hip and well-informed, while maintaining a more serious atmosphere than Tinder.

Why we picked this:

OkCupid consistently leads the charge of inclusivity in online dating. In 2014 (years before any other dating site even had the thought), OkCupid began offering 22 gender and 13 orientation choices. Fast forward to present day, when all users can choose their pronouns.

OkCupid's 2017 redesign goes past enlisting a clearly-millennial graphic designer. For young, left-leaning singles, personal politics aren't just a "well if we agree, it's great" thing when looking for a partner. Users can weed out people they'd hate by answering deal-breakers about things like keeping a gun in the house or requiring children to be vaccinated.

OkCupid's connections are strengthened by an algorithm that picks matches based on how similarly both parties answered questions during sign-up (yes, there are questions about communication and sappy relationship things as well as political views.) A compatibility score plus details on where you disagreed are helpful padding when it comes to evaluating what differences are dealbreakers.

Who's it for:

If you're looking for a place to go where you are guaranteed to find a well-populated user base, Tinder is your app. Tinder is often bashed for its high number of creepy users/messages — and rightfully so. But given its sheer number of active users (including queer ones), you know we couldn't leave it off the list. 

Why we picked this:

Not many people can say that they don't know a single person in a relationship who met on Tinder. Countless success stories are told on Reddit when someone asks about where to meet other lesbians. You know the drill: Add pictures, set an age range, and fill out a bio as seriously and extensively (or not) as you want. While the matching isn't exactly strategic, it's definitely the app that'll help most with scoping out the most lesbians in the vicinity. If you need a little help sorting through your options, Tinder's latest matchmaking feature allows your friends and family to recommend matches to you.

Though your feed will likely be packed with way more lesbians than other apps, it'll see more appearances by men, too. Tinder has a tendency to ignore filters here and there, though men obviously can't talk to anyone who doesn't swipe right. Who can message you, though, are the girls you swipe right for who, surprise, aren't on Tinder to meet women romantically. Some are looking for friends, some are recruiting a third for a threesome with their boyfriend — either way, you'll have to do some weeding.

Who it's for:

Women should freely be able to express their sexuality online without the experience being soiled by male entitlement. Whether you're not comfortable with putting "sex only" in your Tinder bio for the locals to see or if you're simply a practicer of non-attachment with the people you bang, Pure is a safer, hip solution. If you live in a small town, you might have a harder time finding matches nearby.

Why we picked this:

App rules urge you to "pretend like you're strangers afterwards," making no-strings-attached the only name of the game here. This app is a sex-positive, 18+ safe space that features some pretty cool art — the blueprint of the truly modern hookup app.

Your selfies, bio, conversations, matches, and likes self-destruct every 24 hours, promoting spur-of-the-moment, borderline anonymous hookups. No nudity is allowed and any photos sent in messages can't be saved. (As the dry-humored comics on their website state, "Don't talk about your problems. Problems are for therapists. Pure is for fun.") The app will ask for your phone number, but that's just to make sure you're a real person. The app uses your geolocation and sends out the sex version of an Uber request, though the sparse user base might have your searches suggesting the same few people.

Who it's for:

We love an app that cuts the bullshit. In this case, the bullshit includes cisgender straight men. Lex (short for Lexicon, formerly known as Personals) is a seriously cool social app for queer, trans, gender non-conforming, two spirit, and non-binary people. 

Why we picked this:

The specific demographic positions Lex to offer a more peaceful experience than "everyone" apps like Tinder and Bumble, but the way it goes about introducing users (as lovers or friends) is what makes it extra special. A nod to '80s and '90s lesbian erotica magazines, Lex users meet by posting personal ads about what (or who) they're looking for, relationship-wise. The ads, called personals, are a chance for users to showcase their wit and be straightforward as hell. Personals can get pretty horny, but it's all about the language — no photos, including selfies, are permitted. Users can link an Instagram account if they want.

The traditional swipe-and-match process? Lex doesn't know her. It operates similarly to Craigslist: If you see an ad that appeals to you, answer it. If you're over the tired dynamic of awkwardly testing the waters with a shy hottie you just matched with, you might appreciate how much backstory Lex supplies before a word is exchanged. If someone's interested in starting a band or planning a protest rather than having sex, they can — and both of those have happened, founder Kell Rakowski told Allure.

Who it's for:

Someone literally has to message within 24 hours, or the match goes away. This punchy (albeit a bit jarring) approach could be refreshing for people who are tired of staring at a list of Tinder matches from six months ago. If nothing else, it's a comfort zone pusher — and a confidence booster when those first messages start coming in.

Why we picked this:

In an attempt to correct one of the common complaints of dating apps — that women get spammed with tons of creepy messages — women are required to message first with Bumble. That method obviously doesn't apply to woman-woman matches, but that hasn't hampered the queer user base much.

You'll see pictures and short bios of potential matches in your area and can swipe depending on whether you're interested. It's a pretty close mock of Tinder, except for the fact that Bumble relieves the anxiety of accidentally swiping left on a hottie by letting you backtrack. Bumble also offers a BFF feature (great for making local, queer friends) and a Linkedin-ish networking feature called Bizz in attempts to remind everyone that it's not just a hookup app.

Note: As of Dec. 7, we are temporarily pulling our recommendation for Feeld due to bugs with their recent app update which caused users' locations to be shared and deleted the accounts of other users without reason. You can learn more about these issues, along with others that occurred due to the update, from Mashable's Anna Iovine. We take safety very seriously when making our recommendations, and will reevaluate Feeld's place on our list if and when they resolve these issues.

Who's it for:

Feeld started out as the brainchild of a couple that knows non-hetero non-monogamy through personal experience. Though it was one of the first poly-friendly apps to not look like a pop-up ad, it's also a great place to find a monogamous connection too, if you're looking for people who are generally more open-minded.

Why we picked this:

Sex positivity is the name of the game here, but not in the hyper-fetishizing way. You can get specific about boundaries, find people with the same kinks, and advertise what or who you're looking for in your bio without issue. People on Feeld are generally chill, respectful, and can talk about sex without frothing at the mouth. Because more-than-two sex is the entire point of the app, people are typically honest about their intentions right out of the gate.

LGBTQ folks appreciate Feeld because it appreciates them. The app offers more than 20 sexual and gender identities and there's a comforting understanding between users about what those identities mean. According to the company's own stats, 35 percent of users are on the app with a partner and 45 percent identify as something other than heterosexual.

Who it's for:

Young people looking to at least go on a few dates with the same person instead of beelining for a friends with benefits situation was a blind spot for swiping apps — until Hinge blew up. The premise and user base might be in the Tinder and Bumble realm, but these three aren't interchangeable. Hinge's unique profile criteria and algorithm based on that criteria set matches up for real-life potential. Some 90 percent say the first date was great and 72 percent are down for a second date.

Why we picked this:

Instead of cheesy questionnaires and spam emails about the 50 winks you've received, Hinge uses prompts as ice breakers to find you connections. Instead of swiping, matches are made by liking or commenting on another person's prompt answers. You can like up to 8 people per day on the free version of Hinge. Prompts range from "Two truths and a lie" to "Does hiking on a Sunday morning seem viable to you too?" Conversations are hidden after 14 days of inactivity to keep the focus on matches who are taking meeting up seriously. Paying for Hinge Preferred also lets you filter by political views.

Unlike Tinder and Bumble, which seem to have broken gaydars, Hinge sees far fewer reports of men popping up in your feed uninvited. Hinge users also experience more genuine queer people (and less unicorn hunting) on the app compared to the other big players.

Who's it for:

NUiT crosses two major complaints off the list: It nixes the need for the notorious "What time were you born?" question, and it won't force queer people to see (or be seen by) straight people.

Why we picked this:

Remember when Bumble announced it would let users filter matches by their zodiac sign? NUiT is the better version of that. The creators at NUiT know that, for many, birth charts can be a wildly helpful tool in maneuvering the dating world by predicting how well you'd mesh with someone in aspects like argument stye or the importance of sex. NUiT also accounts for the nuances in different combinations of placements outside of sun signs. It encourages daters to use astrological compatibility as insight to understand why a match might act the way they do, but does so while avoiding overly-simplistic "What fried food you are based on your zodiac sign" energy. People who study astrology will be the first to tell you that astrology is a cosmic guide to behaviors, but it isn't tell-all as to how good of a partner or friend someone will be.

Creators also recognized another thing that turns queer users off from heteronormative dating apps: They don't want to see or be seen by straight people. Sure, Tinder and OkCupid have their share of well-meaning allies — but the lack of shared experience as a queer person can make or break a relationship's dynamic.